My Heart You Do Grieve
by CCangel
Summary: While Emma searches for Killian in the underworld, she sees someone from her past. Their reunion is not a happy one. One shot. Warning: If you like Killian, don't read.
My Heart, You Do Grieve

One week since they entered the underworld and their efforts were proving futile. Hook was still missing and no one was more sorrowful than Emma. She made a promise to find him at any cost and she was growing more desperate by the hour.

As each day passed, she found herself thinking maybe this was her lot in life. She was the savior, a hero, but she was a person destined to never have romantic love in her life. She had loved and lost too many times and she wasn't sure if one more loss would break her.

Emma found herself trudging through familiar woods. She was hoping for a sign above. She was hoping for something to go in her favor. She continued her journey until she heard a branch snap underneath someone's foot.

She stilled as her heart beat wildly in her chest. This was it. Somehow he found her. A brief smile formed as she breathed out his name.

"Killian," she whispered while turning in the direction of the noise.

"Guess again," the figure said coming from behind the tree. Emma shrank back in shock and nearly tripped over a root but managed to keep her balance.

"Neal?" she asked.

Her mind swirled with a million thoughts at once. She thought he moved on to a better place. This place was for people with unfinished business.

A mixture of a laugh and a sob escaped her as she ran to him with tears in her eyes. She hugged him like her life depended on it.

"Neal. I can't believe it's you," she whispered against his neck.

She took a step back noticing the lack of response. He seemed to stiffen in her presence and that disturbed her. Once she looked into his eyes, all she saw was bitterness and coldness and if she didn't know any better it was as if she was staring into Rumpelstiltskin's eyes.

"Why are you here, Emma?" he inquired. His tone held little concern or sentiment.

"I'm here-we're here to save Killian," she answered. She held onto his face for a moment. "But if I had known I could have come down here to get you, I would have," she added.

Neal pried her hands away from him. He started to look at the ground and kick imaginary rocks in the dirt. Emma could tell he was processing her answer. She hoped that he believed her words because she was sincere.

"Hook," he said with as much hatred and disgust he could muster. "Everything is always about Hook."

Emma shook her head in disagreement. "That's not true."

Neal scoffed as his eyes landed on her again. "Don't insult me. I'm not stupid. Everything has been about that lying, murderous, womanizing prick since you stupidly decided he was your one true love," he said.

Emma's eyes flashed with anger. "How dare you?! Killian has changed. Killian loves me. Killian would never-

Neal punched the tree beside him effectively cutting Emma off. "Has he changed? He proclaims to have this undying love for you."

"He does," Emma argued. "He sacrificed himself for me."

Neal tilted his head to the side and looked at her as if he had been hit by a truck. Neal took a shallow breath. "Sacrifice? You call giving up a boat in exchange for your hand a sacrifice? I gave up our happiness for you. I resorted to dark magic to get back to you and Henry because I loved you. I love Henry. I loved my family. I wanted my family back. I went back to that hellhole, the seemingly benevolent Neverland, a place I vowed to never go back to so I could rescue our son. I spent years trying to escape and I barely kept my sanity. And you want to know why I was stuck in Neverland so long? Because your boyfriend sold me to the Lost Boys."

Neal saw the stunned expression written all over her face. "What? He didn't tell you. He left out that vital information. I'm not surprised but in the end it doesn't matter. I still lost everything important to me. I lived every day with regret for letting you go. I was only trying to give you the chance I never got."

Emma shook her head. "I never asked you to! All I wanted was for us to be together," she refuted. "And you," she paused, "You made sure that never happened."

"I made a mistake. A horrible mistake. One I apologized for but the reason we're not together is because of you. I didn't push you for another chance. I respected your choices. I gave you space because that is what you deserved. I wanted you to choose me freely. To choose us willingly. I didn't fight the decision because I felt I had no right to. I didn't want to force myself on you or suffocate you. But you turned around and chose Hook. The man basically hounded you until you said yes. He got in your head and he suddenly became Prince Charming."

Emma approached him. "I'm sorry you feel that way but I'm happy. Ever since Killian found me in New York-

Neal rolled his eyes. "That was me," he said. He smirked despite himself. "I knew he was the only one who cared enough to find you. I am the one who sent the potion to get your memories back. My father would have gladly done away with saving you. I saved you and you couldn't even bring yourself to save me," he said the last words coming out with a hint of rejection.

"I just told you if I knew I could do this before I would have," Emma refuted softly.

Neal rubbed his hands over his face. "You say that and I want to believe you. I want to believe you would go to the ends of the earth for me too but I saw it."

"Saw what?"

"I saw you convince my father to drink a potion so he wouldn't change history. You were going to let me die a hero because that is what I wanted. No, Emma. I would've rather stayed alive to see Henry grow up and to see you again," he said with tears filling his eyes.

"How did you see all of that?"

"We're in the underworld and being here gives the dead certain privileges. I've been watching you ever since my untimely demise," he answered.

Neal continued. "Then Hook dies after having a moment of remembering he has a conscience and here you are. The man tried to kill you and your family. A family that includes my son and it's okay because he changed in one moment. I—even on my worst day-I would have never done that to you. I grew up with darkness. I know how easily it can effect anyone's mind. And yet I remain dead to the world forever."

He looked away unable to bear her sorrowful gaze. "What did I ever do to make you hate me?" Neal asked.

"I never hated you," Emma said feeling the weight of everything Neal said to her. "I wanted to be free of the past. I wanted to start new. I thought our time was over."

He chuckled. "Funny thing is Emma, you will never be free of it. Hook is too connected to me, to my father, even Regina. Heck, the man was with my mother. So no, the past isn't something you can't escape from. Not in our world. But it doesn't matter because you're going to do whatever you have to do. So go."

Emma couldn't leave Neal behind in such an angry and broken state. "I can't leave you behind."

"You already did," he said tiredly. "Now, I just want to see my father and my son. Maybe I'll be able to move on."

He turned to walk away from her. "I hope you find peace. Goodbye."


End file.
